It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
