ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
