Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
