If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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