I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
