my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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