remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
