i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
