Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
pray to the hookup gods
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
