mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
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