I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
