No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
