i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
