At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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