ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
