Plan B is the new Plan A
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
