Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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