I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
