The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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