I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
