apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize