dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
