I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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