why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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