You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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