At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
