so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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