We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
