When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
