Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
