My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
