Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
