ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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