I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
