My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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