The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
soo... how was my night?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize