Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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