your room smells of hookers.
And success
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
