i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
