She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Life is so much better after having sex.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
