you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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