She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
