Moan for me like Helen Keller
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
