My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
