A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
