I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
