she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
