I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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