loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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