after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
