I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
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I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
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How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
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