I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
