she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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