What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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