So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
