I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
