I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
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me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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