Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
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