Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
