if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
