Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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