real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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