Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
