I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Randomize
