a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
