I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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