He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
