He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
