true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
