the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Hippo gnu deer
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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