took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
this hospital has no fireball
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
