we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
