please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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