i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
