I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
