he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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