he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just gift wrapped bread.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
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